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Ironic Times

 NO. 816 “Expect the Ironic” MAY 23 - 29, 2016 

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MILESTONES
OBAMA AT WAR LONGER THAN ANY OTHER PRESIDENT
Catching up to Napoleon, Pericles.
 
WORLD NEWS
Europe on Edge as Austria Could
Elect a Far Right Nationalist
If he wins, Norbert Hofer (right) promises his supporters he'll grow a toothbrush mustache.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
Wiccans in Oregon Host Sacred
Ritual for Sanders

Candidate given magical powers to make Congress fund single payer healthcare, free college for all.
World's Largest Cruise Ship Launches
Harmony of the Seas has its own 6000-bed hospital for outbreaks of lysteriosis.
U. S. NEWS
In Zika Fight, House Authorizes Fraction of What Obama Asks For
So he can't take credit for stopping spread of dangerous disease.
FDA: New Food Labels to Reflect More Realistic Serving Sizes
For example, where it says “Serves 12” for pint of Häagen-Dazs, it will now say “Serves 1.”
 
REMINDER
  117 million people would like you to join their professional network on LinkedIn.
 
CIA “Mistakenly” Destroys
Its “Only” Copy of 500-Page
Senate Torture Report

“Accidentally” runs it through powerful electromagnetic field, then “unintentionally” dumps it in industrial shredder, then “inadvertently” incinerates shreds in cauldron of molten ore.
Polls: Trump, Clinton in Virtual
Dead Heat, With Highly
Unfavorable Ratings

Equal number of voters want to vote against each of them.
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