Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - OCTOBER 30 - NOVEMBER 5, 2000
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GE0RGE W. IS BEGINNING TO SWEAT
Once comfortable one-point lead over Gore has nearly evaporated.
BUSINESS NEWS
AOL-Time Warner Merger: Two Vastly Different Corporate Cultures
Button-down Ivy Leaguers learning to work with open-at-the-collar types.
Ford, Firestone Hire Rodney
Dangerfield as Spokesman

Will play up humorous side of defective tires and cover-up.
Playboy, Inc. Takes Over
Sperm Banks, Inc.
"Good synergy," say CEOs.
 
SHOW BUSINESS
Actors Settle Lengthy Strike
with Ad Agencies

Resume lying for slightly more money.
TV: New Shows Are All Big Hits
Critics rave, ratings through the roof.
SCIENCE
250-Million-Year Old Microbe
Living in Lab
Plans to move out of lab and into own apartment.
Amazing New Compound Can
Grow Hair on a Bowling Ball

But production unlikely due to lack of demand.
 
TECHNOLOGY

Privacy Fears Overblown, Say Experts
Also, you'd better put some clothes on, there's someone at the door.
 
LIFESTYLE
Nudists Welcome Global Warming
Call for more Third World industrialization, SUVs.
Students Today Not as Smart
as Students in 1950
But they’re a lot less dorky.
Electric Cars Becoming Popular
with Hot-Rodders
Replacing batteries with powerful V-8’s makes them "really hum."

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