Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - NOVEMBER 13 - 19, 2000
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PEOPLE
QUEEN ELIZABETH ARRESTED IN INTERNATIONAL DRUG STING
"I told you so," says Lyndon Larouche.
Clinton Plans Presidential
Library/Bordello in Little Rock
Would provide documents for scholars, pay for itself.
 
BUSINESS
Pets.com Folds, Then
Loses Sock Puppet
Mascot could be stuck to flannel shirt.
Cosmopolitan, Redbook Go Out of Business; No More Sex Secrets Left
Last 3 techniques which drive men wild revealed in latest issues.
 
INTERNET
Voting Online Gets First True Test
President-elect Cindy Margolis calls it a smashing success.
Computer Hackers Break
Into 7-Eleven
Caught stealing two grape Big Gulps.
SCIENCE
Clones Are Identical, But Not Clones of Clones, Say Researchers
Clones of clones are rebellious, defiant, resentful of any association with clones.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Animal Crackers Will Discontinue Endangered Species
Rhinos and gorillas to be replaced by coyotes, pigeons.
 
SPACE

Object, Size of Large Sleigh, on Collision Course with Earth
Should burn up in atmosphere Dec. 25.
 
HIGH TECH
Porno Palm Pilot Hot Gift for Dad
Stores thousands of images, can be operated with one hand.
Bad News: Gophers Like Optic Fiber
Good news: gophers will pay extra for broadband services.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
America Now 75% Rural
Most of us are farmers.

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