Ironic Times

NO. 11 "Expect the Ironic" NOV. 27 - DEC. 3, 2000

Nov 20
Dec 4
FLORIDA PROTESTS TURNING UGLY
A Bush supporter decries inclusion of "dimpled" ballots.
WORLD NEWS
Global Warming Conference Huge
Success Despite Lack of Agreement

By ending meeting, delegates greatly reduce emission of dangerous hot air.
Fujimori Resigns as President
of Peru
Plans to open Peruvian restaurant in Japan.
 
SCIENCE
Miss Universe Pageant, NASA to Work Together
Will employ orbiting Hubble telescope to search for new contestants.
Latest Advanced Particle
Research Halted
Getting too close to "some really heavy shit," scientists explain.
 
PEOPLE
Madonna Will Marry
Casting begins next week.
U. S. NEWS
Holiday Shopping Abruptly Halted
in Miami-Dade County

No chance of finishing by Dec. 25th deadline, shoppers say.
America's Wealthiest Confused, Anxious About Election Outcome
Still don't know who to pay off for ambassadorships.
Democrats Shift Focus from Health Care for Everyone to Health Care for the Supreme Court
Billion dollar initiative now to fund round-the-clock medical watch for Justices.
 
ELECTION 2000
Gore Prepared to Appeal U.S. Supreme Court Ruling to Inter-Galactic Council
Lawyers, space shuttle ready to go.
Bush Win Inspires Average Students
Presidency not out of reach for those with poor grades, police records, money.
 
ELECTION 1996
WISHING AND HOPING
A group of comely Bob Dole supporters still have hope he can win four years ago.
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