Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - DECEMBER 4 - 10, 2000
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HIGH TECH
  PRODUCT REVIEW
  NEW INTERNET APPLIANCE FROM SUNBEAM
  The Sunbeam Supra 4650 boasts a 700 MHz Pentium III processor, 128 megs of RAM, a 13.3 gigabyte hard drive, two slots for CD-RW or DVD-RAM drives, and a sleek brushed aluminum look that owes its styling to nothing we've ever seen before. Just plug it in, switch it on (it warms up in no time!) and you're in business. If there's one reservation we have it's that it gets very hot when in use (Don't put it on your lap!), and it's difficult to eject a disk from the top-loading slots without resorting to poking around in there with a fork. Otherwise, at $699 (not including monitor) it's a very attractive package. (4 stars)
 
SPORTS
Packers Crush US Davis
Cup Squad, 56-3
Football team overwhelms tennis players, many of whom are hurt.
Cowboys' Aikman Sues to
Use Golf Cart
League says making exception would lead to "everyone" using golf carts.
THE AFTERLIFE
by Earl Wilson
The bounteous Brit be-yoot Diana Dors threw one heckuva "Dead Blondes Have More Fun" surprise birthday bash for headless pal Jayne Mansfield, who would have been 78. The once-dreamy Dors confided to the BW that she nearly came back to life when she saw the bill for the brimstone birthday cake. "I thought I was you-know-where!"
Dropped by the Blue Angel to catch Olsen and Johnson in a heavenly revival of "Hellzapoppin,’" a certified hereafter hit. The boys were killing 'em with material that should have died with vaudeville. Among the victims at ringside, the no-longer "Fat" Jack E. Leonard, the always scholarly-looking Robert Q. Lewis, the not-so-scholarly-looking Joe E. "Ooh-ooh" Ross, and the always quotable Joe E. Lewis, who quipped, "The way these cadavers are laughing you’d think they’d ended Prohibition up here."
Amused by all the earthly hijinks down in Miami Beach, Jackie Gleason is thinking of taking another stab at a variety show. But then he realized why it was a bad idea: Art Carney’s still alive!
That’s Oyl, brother.

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