Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - DECEMBER 11 - 17, 2000
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SPACE
NEW EVIDENCE MARS ONCE COVERED WITH LAKES
Photos suggest red planet supported life, summer camps, canoeing.
International House of Pancakes to Drop Sponsorship of International Space Station
"Can't make pancakes in zero-G," says chain's chairman.
 
CONSUMER ALERT
Warning Issued on Dangerous Toys
Stores may run out, so buy early.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Californians Told to Limit Power Usage
Use candles instead of vibrators, says spokeswoman.
 
PEOPLE
Maytag Repairman Takes Own Life
Leaves rambling note, cites "loneliness, ennui."
LAW
Marijuana Laws Under Review
By High Court
But long adjournment granted for munchies.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Take Two Aspirin Before
Bed, Says Bayer
.
Drugmaker’s advice prompted by declining profits
Angry Cows Join "Mad Cow" Debate in France
Gallic moo-ers getting personally involved in bovine brouhaha
CORRECTION
Last week we reported that former President George Bush had gotten hip, started smoking pot, talking jive, and hanging out with jazz musicians and poets. What we meant to say was that he had gotten a new hip, started smoking pot, talking jive, and hanging out with jazz musicians and poets. We regret the error and apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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