Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - DECEMBER 18 - 24, 2000
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PEOPLE
ANOTHER HONOR FOR JACKSON
Pop star is inducted into the Freaky Pedophiles Hall of Fame.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
TV Movie in the Works
on the Election
Elvira to play Katherine Harris.
Movie Industry Girds for Season of Self-Congratulation
Celebrities praise, thank one another during multiple tributes in coming months.
Caesar's Palace Expanding in Vegas
Will add vomitorium in time for next summer.
 
GOSSIP
Santa Claus Outed by Elves
And there is no Mrs. Claus.
 
BOOKS
"Dummies Books for Dummies" Released
Large-print paperback makes simple explanations even simpler.
SPORTS
A-Rod Signs 10-Year Deal With Rangers for Just $2.52
Didn’t notice decimal point; smallest contract in baseball history.
Athletic Department Buys
University of Oklahoma

Chancellor will report to football coach.
   
ALSO IN THE NEWS
FLORIDA ORDERS NEW VOTING MACHINES
 
CORRECTION
  Last week, in reviewing the Supreme Court decision to halt the recount of ballots in Florida, we mistakenly referred to Chief Justice Rehnquist as a "puritanical pain in the ass whose decision-making abilities are clouded by a longtime addiction to powerful prescription painkillers." What we should have said is that the Chief Justice receives many of the painkillers for free, from drug companies, and doesn’t always obtain them through a prescription. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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