Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO - JANUARY 1 - 7, 2001
page three

PEOPLE
GOOD NEWS: QUEEN MUM IMPROVING
She's back on her feet after recent snowboarding accident.
Celine Dion Theme Park
in Early Planning Stages
Diva's cloned frozen embryos will eventually work there, save on labor costs.
 
SPORTS
Commoner Captured in Luxury
Box at Basketball Game
Guilt or innocence will be determined at trial by fire.
 
WEATHER
WINTER HITS HARD
Worst weather anyone's seen "since last winter."
Average Indoor Temperature
Up Slightly in 2000
Rises .1 degree to 70.4.
SCIENCE
Bush Opposed to Funding
Fetal Research
Thinks "we know enough about our feet."
Prototype "Flying Carpet"
Passes First Test
Air Force pleased, but silent on potential use.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA: Nicotine Patches Habit-Forming
Agency recommends using cigarettes to wean "patch addicts" away from them.
 
 
REMINDER
Don't forget to change the century on your atomic clock.
 
RELIGION
Bush Administration to Attack Water, Air Pollution with Sermons, Prayer
Faith-based effort will be rewarded by special thanks from White House.
 
TRENDS
'My Real Baby' Robot Dolls to
Replace Real Babies by 2047
Slightly less trouble, say experts.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times