Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JANUARY 1 - 7, 2001
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THE YEAR IN REVIEW   Some of the Stories We Followed in 2000
THE YEAR'S
TOP STORY:
GLOBAL WARMING HAS POP STARS WEARING LESS CLOTHING
CAN'T STOP SMILING
Steve Forbes had to drop out of the presidential race when it was learned that he had facial paralysis and would need surgery to, in his doctor's words, "wipe that smile off his face."
COLOSSEUM RE-OPENS
The newly restored Colosseum in Rome re-opened, with familiar results: 14 Christians mauled, 8 eaten.
THE SYDNEY OLYMPICS
The Summer Olympics added several exciting new events, including Australia's national sport, the Three-legged race
NEW OPERATORS
Control of the New York Stock Exchange was turned over to the Mohawk Indians. No change at the NASDAQ, which is still being run by the Pequot Nation.
LOSING ONE'S EGGHEAD
The world was shocked and dismayed when Einstein's head fell out of a research van and rolled around in front of startled onlookers.
STAND-UP GUY
Former Senator and Presidential candidate Bob Dole became the poster boy for Viagra, a spokesman for erectile dysfunction, and a leader in the campaign to straighten the Tower of Pisa.
SHE STOOPS
TO CONQUER
Still traumatized from the sexual harassment by then-Governor Bill Clinton, Paula Jones turned to religion, doing a picture spread (Bible Babes Bare All) for a Christian publication.
CLOSE CALL FOR PLANET EARTH
In July, a small earth-like asteroid crashed into Boca Raton harbor, just missing several boats.

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