Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JANUARY 15 -21, 2001
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SCIENCE
GENETICALLY MODIFIED MONKEY MAKES FIRST PUBLIC APPEARANCE
Thanks everyone for coming, promises "major breakthroughs" in years ahead.
 
BOOKS
Genius Solves World Hunger, Regional Conflicts in New Book
Can't find publisher, destroys book, kills self.
 
FASHION
New First Lady Signals Style Shift
Look for more traditional designs.
 
TRANSCRIPT OF:
NIXON-RUMSFELD MEETING

The recent release of an audio tape of the 1971 meeting between Defense Secretary-designate Donald Rumsfeld and President Richard Nixon has stirred controversy. A transcript of the meeting follows:

Nixon: C'mon in, Don. Just...these damn files on that sonuva (expletive deleted) Martin Luther King (expletive deleted.)
Rumsfeld: Oh, yeah.
Nixon: (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted.)
Rumsfeld: That's right.
Nixon: We should get that (expletive deleted) Hoover to stick his (expletive deleted) right up his (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted.)
Rumsfeld: For sure.
Nixon: (Laughs, coughs.) He'd like that, Hoover, I mean, because the Negroes, - they all have really big (expletive deleted.)
Rumsfeld: Big time.
Nixon: That's why they don't make good
quarterbacks.
Rumsfeld: Right. Because...
Nixon: Not enough blood to the brain!
Rumsfeld: Yeah.
Nixon: (Expletive deleted!)

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