Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - JANUARY 29 - FEBRUARY 4, 2001
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SPORTS
LADY GODIVA ENTERS KENTUCKY DERBY
First naked female jockey to "Run for the Roses."
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Entire Planet to Be Redesigned
as Theme Park
Earthland to open in 2010, yearly passes, group rates available.
 
LAW
Sleeping Defense Lawyer No
Impediment to Fair Trial in
Murder Case
As long as judge, D.A., jury also sleeping.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Bush Press Briefing Disrupted by Abe Lincoln
Former President disoriented, incoherent.
SCIENCE
Latest Warning: Global
Temperature Could Rise
10.5 Degrees in Next Century
Good time, then, to shape up and drop a few pounds, say scientists.
Pluto No Longer Considered a Planet
Move could affect tax status of former residents of Pluto.
New Theory: Apes More Advanced Than Humans
Recent statements by Charlton Heston offered as evidence.
 
REMINDER
If you're under five years old, don't look under the bed.
 
HIGH TECH
Microsoft Taken Over by Hackers
No major changes planned.
 
CORRECTION
  In last week's edition a photograph of Mad Magazine's trademark character, Alfred E.Neuman, was misidentified as President George W. Bush. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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