Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - FEBRUARY 5 - 11, 2001
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TRAVEL
Alcatraz Hotel and Casino
Opens in Las Vegas

Exact replica of prison features "Last Meal" Buffet and "Electric Chair" thrill ride.
 
SPORTS
Rules Change Could Slow Down Baseball Even More
Every batter must now sign release before each pitch, indemnifying league.
Most Football Players Will
Study Law in Off Season
65% at their own trials.
 
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
INTERNET
Federal Prisons Almost 100% Wired
Inmates get free high-speed web access; prefer chat rooms, offshore gambling, cybersex.
 
PEOPLE
PROFILE:
NED BUSH
THE PRESIDENT'S OTHER BROTHER

Age: 47.
Birthplace: Arlington, Texas.
Current Residence: Arlington, Texas.
Education: B.A., Central Texas State A&M, M.A., Harvurd.
Married: To Henrietta Chesterton; two children, Tex, 15, and Jinx, 12.
Previously Married To: Violet Brown; six children, Lothar, 24, Louise, 23, Luwanna, 22, Latrell, 21, Lamont, 20, and Latrobe, 19.
Occupation: Assistant General Manager, Arlington Hardware and Luncheonette.
Hobbies: Whistling; sculpting mashed potatoes; shooting at blimps.
Last Book Read: Silas Marner, by George Eliot. (“He can really write!”)
Nickname: "The Smart One"

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