Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MARCH 5 - 11, 2001
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Dangers of Cloning Discounted
On the contrary, say experts, “it'll be fun.”
 by Lynne Cheney
 (with Victor Gold)
The week began with my husband, lean and tan after a weekend at Camp David, showing off his buff post-operative body politic by dancing naked in front of the large hallway mirror normally reserved for guests straightening their hats upon leaving one of our lavish dinner parties. I was "turned on," as the kids say, and showed my interest by slipping out of whatever nightwear I was still wearing and joining him in a mad mazurka by the mirror in the moonlight. The rest of the week was taken up by meetings and one forgettable luncheon with a group of sexually-repressed Republican women.

by Sidney Skolsky

Spencer Tracy's sick and tired of waiting for Kate Hepburn to kick the bucket. He's threatening an affair with Constance Bennett. Stay tuned… B-movie tough guy Mike Mazurki was mugged by former child star Dickie Moore ("Oliver Twist"), who beat the Dickens into him.

Ethel Merman's ready for a comeback, she shouts from the grave… Don't invitems: Leslie Howard and Howard Duff…New Two You: Fatty Arbuckle and Totie Fields.

Grumpy Old Dead Man: Walter Matthau, acting more like Felix than Oscar, doesn't like the food up here. What'd he expect?

But don't get me wrong, I still love Hollywood.

 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times