Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MARCH 5 - 11, 2001
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SCIENCE
Dangers of Cloning Discounted
On the contrary, say experts, “it'll be fun.”
 
GUEST COLUMNIST
 by Lynne Cheney
 (with Victor Gold)
The week began with my husband, lean and tan after a weekend at Camp David, showing off his buff post-operative body politic by dancing naked in front of the large hallway mirror normally reserved for guests straightening their hats upon leaving one of our lavish dinner parties. I was "turned on," as the kids say, and showed my interest by slipping out of whatever nightwear I was still wearing and joining him in a mad mazurka by the mirror in the moonlight. The rest of the week was taken up by meetings and one forgettable luncheon with a group of sexually-repressed Republican women.

HOLLYWOOD COLDLINE
by Sidney Skolsky

Spencer Tracy's sick and tired of waiting for Kate Hepburn to kick the bucket. He's threatening an affair with Constance Bennett. Stay tuned… B-movie tough guy Mike Mazurki was mugged by former child star Dickie Moore ("Oliver Twist"), who beat the Dickens into him.

Ethel Merman's ready for a comeback, she shouts from the grave… Don't invitems: Leslie Howard and Howard Duff…New Two You: Fatty Arbuckle and Totie Fields.

Grumpy Old Dead Man: Walter Matthau, acting more like Felix than Oscar, doesn't like the food up here. What'd he expect?

But don't get me wrong, I still love Hollywood.


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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times