Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO - MARCH 19 - 25, 2001
page three

PEOPLE
 
Zapatista Subcommander Marcos Arrives in Mexico City
Then it's on to Vail for a ski vacation.
 
SHOW BUSINESS
Oscar Excitement Building
For 14-Year Old Boys
Tense, nervous, can';t wait to see what Jennifer Lopez will be wearing.
XFL, Ratings Plummeting, Eliminates Referees, Rules, Uniforms
Teams will frolic on field with naked cheerleaders in "smashmouth" orgy.
Celebrities Honored for Being
Famous at TVQ Awards

George Hamilton receives Peter Lawford Lifetime Achievement award at annual féte.
 
SPORTS
Sports Illustrated Predicts Return of Michael Jordan to NBA, Bob Feller to Major Leagues
(pictured: Bob Feller)
SCIENCE
String Theory Gaining Favor
Among Some Physicists

Idea that universe is a giant yo-yo leaves others skeptical.
 
HIGH TECH
Latest Device is Smaller, More Powerful Than Any Currently Available
But nobody knows what it does.
 
SPACE
NASA: EVERYTHING "A-OK" ON SPACE STATION
Operation "Jules and Jim" underway; first ménage à trois under weightless conditions.
 
CORRECTION
Last week, in the Your Money column, Mr. Money advised readers to "pour everything" into the depleted tech sector and "gobble up attractive bargains among the struggling dot-coms." Many of you wrote to say that you lost all your money based on that advice. We're sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

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