Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MARCH 19 - 25, 2001
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IRONIC TIMES EXCLUSIVE:
KEN COMES OUT
Announces officially what was long rumored; wants to “set the record straight—so to speak.”
BOOKS
Britney Spears Gets $724,000
For First Novel

Amount equals aggregate total of all advances paid for first novels since the year 1800.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
"BAG LADY" HITS LOTTO JACKPOT
Edna Seminick, a homeless "bag lady," living it up with her newfound millions.
BULLETIN: The SETI Institute, the non-profit consortium coordinating the search for extraterrestrial intelligence, announced this morning it had received a series of radio signals emanating from a galaxy approximately 43 light-years from Earth indicating that
GUEST COLUMNIST



What's Wrong With Baseball?

by Dame Judi Dench


First of all, what's right with baseball? Not much, from where I sit. Crybaby overweight slobs sobbing about their miserable $40 million contracts? Where are the heroes of yesteryear, gee-whiz farmboys who played for the love of the game, not the money. Today you can't tell the players without a scorecard, and you can't even afford the scorecard! These bums bounce around from team to team, or should I say from highest bidder to highest bidder, without the slightest hint of loyalty to the fans. Disgusting! One note unrelated to baseball: I will be appearing on the West End in Noel Coward's "Private Lives" for the next month and must take a leave of absence from this column during that time.
 


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