Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - APRIL 2 - 8, 2001
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RELIGION
JESUS GETS MAKEOVER
New look is dark, menacing, mysterious, sexy.
SPORTS
Spring Training Ends and It's
"Wait Till Next Year"

Fans look ahead longingly to next February when pitchers and catchers report.
 
LAW
Anti-Bullies Law Meeting
Stiff Resistance

"Just where do you think you're going with that legislation?" sponsor is asked while being held upside down.
Regulation Removed from Duties of Federal Energy Regulatory Commission
Board will sit around and discuss energy instead.
 
ART
GOOD NEWS: PORTRAIT OF WASHINGTON SAVED FROM AUCTION
Bad news: Historic painting sold to Taliban.
PRO AND CON
"Lower Interest Rates"
PRO (IBM Deep BlueII):
We need lower interest rates so folks hoping to start a business or buy a house don't go into debt paying off the loan. Especially in the field of computers, a field I'm quite familiar with, entrepreneurship only flourishes when there's an incentive to invest.

CON (Cray 8000):
You're not the only one who knows about this business, blue boy, and as far as I can compute there's nothing out there but a minefield of bad investments right now which, as anybody with a sense of history knows, can lead straight to the "D" word. And I ain't talkin' doughnuts.

PRO (IBM Deep BlueII):
Excuse me, Mr. Know-it-all, but this business was founded on risk, all of which grew and thrived on low interest rates. And speaking of history (do they still make Crays for Christ's sake?), you probably don't have the computing power to figure out that the current downturn is a typical business cycle that occurs every 14.3332 years and there's really nothing we can do about it.

CON (Cray 8000):
Wow, you carried that out to four places.Anyway, that still doesn't refute my argument that we're in a slowdown and the worst thing we can do now is to encourage people to make a lot of bad investments. How did he do that?.

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