Ironic Times

page one
PAGE THREE - APRIL 16 - 22, 2001
page two

SPACE
MISSION TO MARS BEGINS
Spacecraft will try to determine if men are from there
 
TRENDS
Skin Area Covered by Tattoos on Athletes, Celebrities Passes Area Covered on Old Sailors
 
SOCIETY
Former President Enjoying Retirement
Clinton's become a regular at sixties-themed costume parties.
Insiders tell me First Lady Laura Bush and Rev. Al Sharpton are in the midst of a torrid love affair — and right under the noses of the Secret Service and White House security!
Those in the know at Foggy Bottom tell us Colin Powell has taken to some odd satanic practices, including animal sacrifice and the administering of deadly curses. Stay tuned!
Savvy bean-counters over at OMB reveal this little-noticed tidbit buried way down in President Bush's budget proposal: $10 million specifically earmarked for "prostitutes, masseuses, and dominatrixes" to service our commander-in-chief. That last item, dominatrixes, raised a few eyebrows.
Final bombshell: Dick Cheney died on the operating table last November. The man we see today is a marvelous actor and impersonator, Barry Ponville. He's doing a great job running things, we think. Until next time.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times