Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MAY 21 - 27, 2001
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MUSIC
AWFUL MUSIC HALL OF FAME OPENS
Country singers cut ribbon opening shrine.
 
HIGH TECH
Multi-Use Cell Phone Provides
Net Access, E-mail, Games,
File Sharing, Messaging

But unable to make, receive phone calls.
 
BUSINESS
89% Earnings Jump for Krispy Kreme
2nd quarter could be even better as more Americans plan to eat themselves to death.
 
LAW
Florida to Offer Day Care
On Death Row

Older convicts complain about noisy kids.
 
GAMES
NINTENDO INTRODUCES GAME CUBE
Aimed at “8 to 12-year old boys with psychotic- megalomaniacal tendencies bordering on sadism.”
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

(Joseph Hazelwood is President Bush’s appointee to head up the Alaskan wildlife oil drilling effort. Bush has praised him as "a good man who’ll do a good job." We sat down with him recently for a short chat.)
Ironic Times: This is quite an undertaking, drilling for oil in a delicate natural wilderness like the Alaskan tundra.
Joseph Hazelwood: Yes it is, but I’m confident we can get the job done without harming the environment.
IT: As the point man in this, President Bush has put his trust in you to coordinate a huge effort. Do you think you’re up to the task?
JH: Absolutely. We’ll drill cleanly, without harming one living thing up there.
IT: Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you the captain of the Exxon Valdiz, the tanker that leaked all that oil?
JH: I can’t recall. I don’t think so.
IT: That wasn’t you?
JH: No, no, I don’t believe so.
IT: Well, thank you for talking to us, and being so reassuring.
JH: My pleasure.

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