Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MAY 28 - JUNE 3, 2001
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PEOPLE
HESTON, IN A SURPRISE, LOSES NRA ELECTION
Upset by last-minute write-in candidate, Timothy McVeigh.
SPORTS
Jordan Comeback on Hold
His arthritis is kicking up; Charles Barkley weighs over 400 pounds.
 
2000 CENSUS
Hippie Generation Eyes
Upcoming Retirement

Other generations ask, “From what?”
 
FRINGE
Ku Klux Klan Lays Off 300
“It was time for some serious noose-tightening,” says Imperial Wizard.
 
ART
TORNADO WREAKS HAVOC ON TRANSMISSION TOWER
Resulting mass of wire and cable currently on loan to the Museum of Modern Art in New York.
In the Spotlight: Vermont
Senator James M. Jeffords is just one of 600,000 fiercely independent, rugged individualists, determined to go their own way. A few facts about the state:
  • Main sources of income: the bric-a-brac industry, (summer); tow-truck operations, (winter).
  • Vermont was the first state to vote against Prohibition, a position they reversed when the rest of the country followed their lead.
  • Equally divided between Democrats who vote Republican and Republicans who vote Democratic, the balance of power is held by the “None-of-the-Abovers,” a self-reliant group of crusty free thinkers who've never missed an election or voted for anybody.
  • Swimming against the tide, the non- conformist Vermont homosexual communtiy staunchly opposes gay marriage.
  • The maverick state chapter of the NRA split from the national organization over the 2nd Amendment, which the quirky Vermonters despise.

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