Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JUNE 18 - 24, 2001
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SPORTS
SUPREME COURT RULES AGAINST DON KING
Must remove finger from socket.
High Salaries Being Driven
Up by High Ticket Prices

The more fans pay, the more the owners have to pay players.
 
EDUCATION
School Year Ends So Students Can Help Parents Till Soil, Plant Crops
Studies resume in fall after hard summer working in fields.
 
TV
PBS Commits to "Paint"
10-hour mini-series follows the drying process of a newly-painted park bench.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
 
SQUARE WATERMELONS GO ON SALE
Aimed at unhip picnickers.

My Turn, Again

by Dick Cheney
I can't help smiling whenever I pass one of these tree huggers installing solar panels on his roof. Actually, I can't help smiling ever since I got that thirty mil golden parachute from Halliburton. But if you want to save the world, here's a green technology that really works: back yard nuclear reactors. Set one of these babies on "glow" and you'll be running your fridge, dishwasher, Jacuzzi and artificial waterfall with plenty of power left for the wave runner or snowmobile! And you didn't hear this from me, but I'm told there's quite an aftermarket for spent fuel!
 
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
 
“Rob Schneider is a shoo-in for the Oscar!”
     -- David Manning, Ridgefield Press

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