Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - JUNE 25 - JULY 1, 2001
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PICTURE OF THE WEEK
CLONING MILESTONE
Four dumb blondes cloned from the DNA of one smart blonde.
ENTERTAINMENT
Library of Alexandria Coming
To Las Vegas

Hotel-casino will feature thousands of Aramaic texts, slot machines.
Another Embarrassing Admission
From Sony

Last five films were “pure crap,” says studio spokesperson.
“Fast & Furious” Street Racing Movie Posts Warning to Teen Fans
“Don't try these stunts in a Ford Explorer with Firestone tires,” they caution.
Actors Fear Being Replaced
By Digital Likenesses

Digital likenesses fear being replaced by better digital likenesses.
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Reports Gives Mitsubishi Montero “Unsafe” Rating
Also gives it “Most Fun” rating among SUV's in its class.
MILITARY
Marines Get Permanent
Press Uniforms

Kill, wash, rinse, dry.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Norton Halts Reintroduction of
Grizzlies Into Idaho, Montana

Secretary sees threat to snowmobile nesting areas.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE

PROCTOLOGISTS GATHER, EXCHANGE KNOWLEDGE
Annual meeting serves as showcase for latest techniques and advances in field.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Bigfoot Comes Out of Closet
Kills three vacationers.
 
CORRECTION
  Photograph at right is of Hannibal Lecter, as portrayed by Anthony Hopkins in “The Silence of the Lambs,” not, as previously stated, of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Justice Scalia has never worn a muzzle.

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