Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JULY 9 - 15, 2001
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BIOTECHNOLOGY
Bush Reconsiders Human Cloning Ban
Policy change follows meeting with clones at Kennebunkport.
 
RELIGION
New Translation of 7th Commandment:
“Thou Shalt Not Commit Idolatry”
Adultery apparently OK.
 
TRAVEL
  Incredible Airline Bargains
Now Available

If you're willing to stand throughout flight, refrain from using restroom, serve drinks.
 
SPORTS
Knight Commission Calls for 50% of Student Athletes to Graduate
NCAA asks, “You mean from college?”
 
PEOPLE
TIN MAN RECEIVES ARTIFICIAL HEART
Scarecrow gets diploma, Cowardly Lion a medal.

ART

28,000-Year-Old Cave Paintings Lack Originality, Focus
by Mr. Art
Forget technique - we're not even going there - the reason why these clownish efforts have been forgotten for 28,000 years is because they richly deserve to be, and the sooner we start the next 28,000 years of forgetting, the better! The Dordogne Doodler clearly couldn't decide if he wanted to paint horses or bison, which one to paint or which way it was headed. As for the so-called erotic images in the “adult” section of the cave: hello, there is a difference between eroticism and pornography!

If you want an excuse to visit France, go see the Mona Lisa, and if you like caves, I recommend Le Cave, an excellent restaurant not far from the Louvre.

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