Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - AUGUST 13 - 19, 2001
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ENERGY
Davis Demands Action on Energy Regulation
California governor says he "asked nicely" the first time.
 
SPORTS
New Report: Pete Rose Gambled
Bought technology stocks.
 
BUSINESS
Fisher-Price Introduces Nano Toys
Too small for children to see or break; harmless if swallowed.
DSL Provider Covad Is First
To File for Chapter 11 Online

&3147;We were bankrupt in seconds,” boasts CEO.
New Device Translates Dog's Barks
Converts woofs into six different human feelings: “I'm hungry,” “I'm starving,” “I'm famished,” “I'm thirsty,” “Nice leg,” “Have to go.”
SCHADENFREUDE
Former "Ruthless" Hollywood Mogul Ovitz Falling on Hard Times
For some reason, none of the people he trampled on the way up are helping him now.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Six Corporations Control Virtually
All Media Outlets

Just in: it's now five.
 
 Last Week's Box Office Results
  1. Prequel: the Sequel
  2. Last Summer's Hit, 2
  3. Same Story, Different Genders
  4. 20-Year-Old Classic: the Remake
  5. Sequel: the Prequel
 
CORRECTION
Photograph at right is of Tim Roth and Mark Wahlberg in “Planet of the Apes,” and not, as previously reported, of George W. Bush conferring with Charlie Norwood (R-GA.) on the Patients' Bill of Rights.

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