Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO - AUGUST 20 - 26, 2001
page three

PEOPLE
BILL CLINTON TRADING CARDS MAKE THEIR DEBUT
Each pack contains six cards, one stick of bubble gum, one condom.
ENTERTAINMENT
Miss America Pageant to Borrow from “Survivor,” “Weakest Link”
Contestants will be forced to eat rats, humiliate each other.
Variety's Bart Bashed
As Bigoted Bastard

Paper's prexy pounded for pitching pix, pimping pals, prostituting press.
 
BUSINESS
McDonald's Posts Ingredients
On Web Site

Sales plummet, bankruptcy imminent.
Kermit the Frog Reported Missing in France
It was “just his first visit there,” says a distraught spokesman.
SCIENCE
Astronomers Find Solar
System Like Ours

Similarities striking, with one exception: no designated hitter.
X-Rays Reveal Arrow Killed 5,300 Year-Old Bronze Age Iceman
Gave wrong answer to wife's question, “Does this goat skin make me look fat?”
 
World's Most Powerful Computer Begins Operation
ASCI White will attempt to defeat a chicken at tic-tac-toe.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Scientists Defend Human Cloning
Claim it's needed until realistic robots come along.
New study: Pollution From
Cars Kills More People
Than Car Accidents

“Wunnerful news,” says executive director of National Association of Drunk Drivers.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times