Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - SEPTEMBER 24 - 30, 2001
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CHER WINS CONSTRUCTION SUIT
Claims of labor violations during star's plastic surgery are dismissed.
ENTERTAINMENT
Maher Taking “Politically
Incorrect” to Kabul

Guests will include Osama bin Laden, Norm Crosby, Stephen Hawking, Charo, and Henry Kissinger.
Celebrities Returning to Work
Will go back to being famous again.
 
BUSINESS
Transportation Sector Hardest Hit in Downturn, Airline Stocks Slide
But covered wagon stocks are up.
Disney Will Fight Back, Says Eisner
Pre-emptive strike on Viacom contemplated, with ground forces to follow.
American Tobacco Companies
To Help War Effort

They pledge to send free cigarettes to terrorists.
Publishers Clearing House Enters Fray
Will bombard suspected terrorist cells with junk mail.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Coffee Found to Be Rich
Source of Antioxidants
“Can't drink enough,” doctors now say.
Doctor in New York Uses Robot to Operate on Woman in France
Doctor in Paris uses robot to make love to woman in New York
 
THE WAR
Afghanistan Offers Variety of Military Targets

KEY:
Major concentrations of rubble
Minor concentrations of rubble
Four or more tents close together
Goats, sheep
Abandoned terrorist camps
Widows, orphans

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 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times