Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - DECEMBER 3 - 9, 2001
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PEOPLE
Dalai Lama Punches Out Photographer
Cameraman able to snap one picture before getting knocked unconscious by exiled Tibetan holy man.
 
EDUCATION
Report: Nearly Half of All
Grades at Harvard Are A's

Due to proliferation of easy courses, like “Introduction to Long Division,” “Spelling 101,” and “History of the World Wrestling Federation.”
 
BUSINESS
Excite@Home, Enron Merge
New company will combine assets of both to make one bankruptcy filing
Philbin to Replace Embattled O'Neill at Treasury
He'll ask easier questions of corporations needing bailouts.
NEWS QUIZ

1. Environmental Protection Agency head Christie Todd Whitman has proposed sweeping changes in the regulation of power plant pollution favored by:

A) the Sierra Club
B) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
C) the power industry

2. Complete the following sentence:
Since 70% of U.S. students did not do well enough in nationwide science exams to be considered "proficient," the best way to make sure these scores improve is to:

A) pray for better science teachers
B) spend more money to train and hire
better science teachers
C) make the tests easier

3. The Northern Alliance would have waited politely on the outskirts of Kabul like we asked them to instead of entering it if:

A) we had asked them really, really nicely
B) the Taliban had also requested it
C) pigs flew out of Donald Rumsfeld's ass singing "Over the Rainbow" in Pashto


    

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