Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - DECEMBER 10 - 16, 2001
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ART
Scientific Evidence Suggests Great Artists Traced Their Works
Using a lens, they could perfectly replicate scenes to create their masterpieces.
 
 
EDUCATION
14 Countries Ahead of U.S. Teens in Literacy, 17 Ahead in Math
But our teens better armed than theirs.
Playboy Donates Anatomically Correct Playmate Dolls to Colleges, Universities
Will be used for classes in physiology, anatomy.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
Ashcroft's First Draft of Patriot Bill Asked for End of Habeas Corpus
Allegation by unidentified journalist, now missing, can't be confirmed.
 
The Afterlife
by Earl Wilson
These days, the talk up here's a lot like the talk down there: the Pack is back. The Rat Pack, of course. Frank, Dean, Sammy, and Peter Lawford are knocked out by the fresh attention they're getting, even if it is posthumous. The boys, booked for an eternity at Wilbur Clark's Desert Inn, took some time to talk after the first show. “Where's Joey?” asked the BW, one dead dame not put off by the boys' inebriated antics. “He's still alive,” I informed her. “But you'd never know it,” cracked Sammy.
And how does the original Rat Pack rate this new bunch of suave swingers in the remake of their classic caper flick, Ocean's Eleven? “I like the Clooney kid,” slurred an appropriately pickled Dino. “And the colored fella.”
And what does the Chairman of the Board think? “That Roberts broad couldn't play Angie Dickinson's coathanger,” he stated to me and a friend who was standing nearby, a gentleman who just happened to have been the 35th President of the United States. That's Oyl, brother

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