Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - JAN 28 - FEB 3, 2002
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MILESTONES
World's Oldest Woman Celebrates 115th Birthday
She enjoys "every minute of it."
BUSINESS
Talk of Downturn Leads to Upturn
But optimism quickly turns to pessimism.
Amazon Reports First Quarterly Profit
Amazon Rainforest reports 1,012th consecutive quarterly loss.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Record Company Pays Mariah Carey $28 Million to End Her Contract
Tops by $3 million reward for finding bin Laden.
Limp Bizkit Holding Open Auditions for New Guitarist
Looking for an unusually bad speller.
After Cochlear Implant, Rush Limbaugh Can Hear Himself Again
Still can't hear anyone else, "But so what?" he adds.
SCIENCE
Cosmologists Speculate There
May Be Infinite Number of
Alternate Universes

Ours probably one of the alternates.
Breakthrough: Atom-Sized
Computers That Fit on the
Head of a Pin

New devices could revolutionize sewing industry.
 
KNOW YOUR WORLD 
IN A NUTSHELL:  COLOMBIA
Years of civil war:  38
U.S. military aid to Gov't:  $1.6 billion
Gov't ties to death squads on State
Dept. terrorist list:   yes
Odds of winning drug war:   same as ever
 
CORRECTION
Last week, we referred to the "cozy relationship" between the Bush Administration and Enron President Kenneth Lay as "incestuous, sinister, and criminal." In fact, Kenneth Lay was the CEO of Enron. We apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

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