| SPORTS |
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2002 Winter
Olympics Begin
World's attention focused
on sports competition,
human drama, spectacle. |
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MLB: Contraction Off
For Another Year
Players', owners' egos will
continue to expand in 2002. |
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| MILESTONES |
|
Generation X Reaches Middle
Age
Many retiring to do nothing but play
video games and drink Zima. |
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| COMPUTING |
|
IBM Develops Computer the
Size of a TV Remote
But it's misplaced. |
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| CORRECTION |
|
In a recent story about the 2001
Enron Summer Picnic, we mistakenly
identified photo at right
as Ken Lay conferring with Vice President
Dick Cheney and Commerce Secretary Paul
O'Neill. Mr. O'Neill is Secretary of the
Treasury. We regret the error. |
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Beating
The System
by Joey "The Biscuit" Tortoni.
Q: My wife thinks nothing of
taking towels from hotels. Her
rationale is, we paid for the
room, and besides - how much can
a towel cost? But I think this is
wrong. Who's right?
A: She is. Take the towels,
take the sheets, take the TV, and
torch the damn place.
Q: I've accumulated a number
of parking tickets, but I
haven't paid them yet. Can I
be arrested?
A: Here's what you do:
abandon your car, steal another
one, go down to the department of
motor vehicles with all those
tickets, light them, and torch
the place.
Q: Settle an argument. My
girlfriend says I should split
the take from a recent liquor
store robbery with another guy,
who got caught. But I want to run
and keep the money for myself.
Who's right?
A: You are.
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