Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - FEBRUARY 11 - 17, 2002
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SPORTS
2002 Winter Olympics Begin
World's attention focused on sports competition, human drama, spectacle.
MLB: Contraction Off
For Another Year

Players', owners' egos will continue to expand in 2002.
 
MILESTONES
Generation X Reaches Middle Age
Many retiring to do nothing but play video games and drink Zima.
 
COMPUTING
IBM Develops Computer the
Size of a TV Remote

But it's misplaced.
 
CORRECTION
In a recent story about the 2001 Enron Summer Picnic, we mistakenly identified photo at right as Ken Lay conferring with Vice President Dick Cheney and Commerce Secretary Paul O'Neill. Mr. O'Neill is Secretary of the Treasury. We regret the error.

Beating The System
by Joey "The Biscuit" Tortoni.

Q: My wife thinks nothing of taking towels from hotels. Her rationale is, we paid for the room, and besides - how much can a towel cost? But I think this is wrong. Who's right?

A: She is. Take the towels, take the sheets, take the TV, and torch the damn place.

Q: I've accumulated a number of parking tickets, but I haven't paid them yet. Can I be arrested?

A: Here's what you do: abandon your car, steal another one, go down to the department of motor vehicles with all those tickets, light them, and torch the place.

Q: Settle an argument. My girlfriend says I should split the take from a recent liquor store robbery with another guy, who got caught. But I want to run and keep the money for myself. Who's right?

A: You are.
 

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