Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - MARCH 18 - 24, 2002 
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SPORTS
Sosa Out For 2 Months
Cubs' star slugger sidelined after accident involving bat and Krazy Glue.
ENTERTAINMENT
Letterman Stays Put; ABC, Citing Value Of Serious Debate, Will Keep "Nightline"
Unless "Jackass" becomes available.
Beverly Hills to Establish
"Celebrity District"

Zoning will keep out anyone who has never starred in a sitcom, talk show, movie, play, or holiday special.
 
BOOKS
U.S. to Restock "Uncensored" Kabul Library With 20,000 Books
All were banned from American libraries.
509-Year-Old Book Found in Maine Farmhouse
Value enormous, but won't cover library's overdue fine.
The Afterlife
by Earl Wilson
With "Celebrity Boxing" a small-screen smash with the living, several well-known stiffs familiar with the sweet science are pondering some post-mortem pugilism up here. Feisty former flyweight Jimmy Cagney wants to dig up "Fat" Jack E. Leonard and stage a three-round charity affair for the Get Elvis Out of Limbo Fund, a worthy cause if there ever was one.
On the distaff side, the BW informs me that Joan Crawford, visiting from Hell, will battle Bette Davis on the Ghoul Cable Channel, which we don't get up here, natch.

As they shoulda told Harry Houdini before some bum sent him heavenward with a haymaker to the solar plexus: protect yourself at all times. That's Oyl, brother.

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