Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - APRIL 15 - 21, 2002
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FASHION
Fall Fashions Previewed in Paris
It appears that "thin is in" again.
SPORTS
Masters: Palmer Calls it Quits
After a round of 113, and killing three spectators, Arnie bids farewell to Augusta.
Poll: Fans, Owners Miss Astroturf
Owners miss modest upkeep, fans miss entertaining knee injuries.
 
TRAVEL
State Dept. Warns Tourists on
Travel to Israel

Aimed at all Americans returning from Mars.
Fuckland Opens
Operators hope
to attract people
who "like to fuck."


Thank you for affording me this space to refute the many unfounded accusations that have been levelled at me.

First of all, simply because of my previous employment as a top officer of the Enron Corporation, and the fact that I sold twelve million dollars of Enron stock days before the company's collapse while at the same time having more than seventy phone conversations with officials at Enron, and the fact that I used a government jet to fly my wife and myself to Aspen so that we could sell our vacation condo, is no reason to conclude that I

(Due to space restrictions, all editorials must be limited to 100 words or less.).

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