Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO - MAY 6 - 12, 2002 
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PEOPLE
CIA: Latest Papers Seized in Afghanistan Give New Picture of Bin Laden
"We're learning more every day," says one analyst.
 
SCIENCE
Confirmed: Universe 14 Billion
Years Old

Not the 12 billion years it told Little
League officials.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
American Lung Association Reports Most Americans Breathe Polluted Air
EPA advice: cut down on breathing.
 
BUSINESS
Enron Plans Return as
Smaller Company

Will drop energy trading, concentrate on artificially boosting stock price.
Lays Opening Store to Sell
Unwanted Personal Property

Former Enron chief's boutique will be called "Jus' Subpoenas."
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Report: Britney Spears Smoking, Drinking, Sleeping Around
Some fear she's hurting her "good girl" image.
SPECIAL FEATURE: Homeland Defense Threat Assessment
Threat   Counter Measure   Cost
  Rogue Nation Attack   Missile Defense Shield   $8 Billion
  Iraqi Chemical Weapons   Invade Country   $10 Billion
  US Nuclear Plants   Post "No Trespassing" Signs   $400.00

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