Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - JULY 29 - AUGUST 4, 2002
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ODDS 'N ENDS
New Species of Man-Eating Giant Squid Found in 8 States
Can travel up to thirty miles on land.
Four Charged With Stealing
Moon Rocks

FBI arrests them upon their return to earth.
 
SPORTS
NFL Training Camps Open
State penitentiaries close.
Baseball Strike Begins
But fans continue showing up at parks, strengthening owners' case.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Hemingway Look-Alikes Take Over Key West
National Guard called in.


Step 1: An international crisis is identified.

Step 2: A team of foreign policy experts with experience in the area is assembled at the State Department.

Step 3: The team gathers information and analysis from here and abroad, debates all policy options, and presents a comprehensive summary to the Secretary of State.

Step 4: The Secretary reviews the options, consults with the team, draws up a final draft and makes his recommendations.

Step 5: The draft is given to the President, who uses it to start a backyard barbecue. Then Karl Rove, Dick Cheney and a few pals from Halliburton decide to invade Iraq.

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