Ironic Times

 NO. 99 "Expect the Ironic" AUGUST 5 - 11, 2002 

July 29
Aug 12
 
CHENEY RESCUED FROM BUNKER
Emerges in good shape, ready to resume regular schedule.
 
WORLD NEWS
Parisians Start Annual August Holiday
Replaced by actors with French accents, bad attitudes.
Al Qaeda Announces Name Change
Terrorist organization, fighting negative publicity, is now QaedaOne.
 
RELIGION
Vatican Portrait of First Indigenous Latin American Saint Angers Many
Depiction of 17th Century Indian Juan Diego doesn't look at all like him, say critics.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Trilateral Commission, Illuminati,
Masons Meet at Bohemian Club

Decide fate of mankind.
U. S. NEWS
GOP: We're Winning Drug War
Fewer seniors able to get them.
War Looming, Economy Crashing, Deficit Soaring, Environment Collapsing
Congress, President take well-earned vacation.
Senate Vote Gives Bush
Fast-Track Layoff Powers

Should streamline process of putting Americans out of work.
 
REMINDER
Change the batteries on all your sexual devices every six months.
 
Latest Labor Statistics: Only 1
New Job Created in July

The White House added another spin doctor.
 
POLITICS
Traficant Will Run Again from Prison
Will represent nation's business leaders.
Democrats Hope to Gain 30 to
40 Seats in Mid-Term Elections

"We're less mistrusted than the Republicans," says a party spokesman.
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