Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO - AUGUST 19 - 25, 2002
page three

PICTURE OF THE WEEK
 
  Million Elvis March Called a Success
"Finally, we're getting some recognition," says one.
 
TRAVEL
US Airways Bankrupt, United is
Next, American Lays off 7,000, Amtrak Grounds Acela

You may have to stay where you are for now.
 
PEOPLE
Cheney Moving to Cayman Islands
Will make fundraising calls, avoid press, check Halliburton, Harken PO boxes.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Side Effects Reported From Excessive Botox Use
But they can be minimized with stretching exercises (right).
 
CORRECTION
In our editorial, "Hit First," we cited the attack on Pearl Harbor as an example of how effectively our nation has used the idea of preemptive war in the past. In fact, it was the Japanese who used this strategy against us. We regret the error.
SCIENCE
Crow Makes Tool to Get Food
Applies for patent, hosts infomercial.
Robot Teaches Itself to Fly in
3 Hours, Duplicating 3 Million
Years of Evolution

Takes 4 hours to develop ticketing system charging different price to each passenger.
 
SPACE
NASA Loses Contact With Comet
Probe; Frustrated Trackers Get
Only Recorded Message

"The mobile unit you have called is currently out of the service area or is not answering."
 
The Savings & Loan Disaster, the Energy Trading Scandal, the Telecommunications Meltdown and now the Airline Debacle all have one thing in common:
A)   Over-commitment of resources by top management towards employee welfare, improving the environment and community service.
B)   Insufficient attention paid to inflating stock value, paper profits, accounting tricks and top executive compensation.
C)   Deregulation.
(Hint: corporate lobbyists worked very hard on this.)

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2002 Ironic Times