Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 9 - 15, 2002
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FOOD
McDonald's to Cut Fat Content in Fries by 50%
Will be part of new "Going Out of Business Meal."
 
SPORTS
Augusta National Golf Club Finally Decides to Admit Women
"But only lookers," says a spokesman.
Nostradamus Predicted Outcome of Pennant Races
"The Elephant (the A's) will ride herd over the American West," he wrote in the 16th Century, "and the Urban Dwellers (the Mets) will fall flat on their faces in the NL East."
International Olympic Committee Rejects Several New Sports
Among them: the Alligator Throw, the Shark Put, and Team Bull Vaulting (right).
Hi. How's your car running? Getting good mileage, I hope. Don't skimp on the octane. By the way, I represent a country that supplies more than 20% of your oil. And we do so gladly, for you are our friends, and you will always be our friends.
Which brings me to my next point. There are many voices being raised saying we support these terrible people who do bad things to you. These voices are loud and, frankly, annoying. In our country, when people speak thusly, we cut out their vocal cords.
Which brings me to my final point. You shouldn't jump to conclusions about us. Remember, four of the nineteen hijackers on Sept.11 were not from Saudi Arabia. That's about the same percentage as the oil we supply you. So think about that the next time you hit the accelerator and pass that slow-moving camel.

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