Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 23 - 29, 2002
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PEOPLE
  Bush, Churchill, Princess Di Related
All three are descended from a distant cousin of Kevin Bacon.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
ABC's Groundbreaking "Push, Nevada" Spawns Imitators
Other networks already have "Shove, Montana," "Pull, Idaho," and "Whack, New Jersey" in the pipeline.
 
BUSINESS
GE Slashes Retirement Package for Former CEO Jack Welch
Company cancels free use of plane, New York apartment, harem.
WorldCom Restates Restated Earnings
Corrects previous misstatement of restated restatements.
Playgirl's "Men of Enron" Issue Hits Newsstands
Former executives who bared all (l to r): Jeffrey Skilling, Kenneth Lay, Herbert Billsworthy, Fred Snodgrass, Allen Whitlee.
SCIENCE
European Physicists Create Antimatter in Lab
Anyone with information as to the whereabouts of these physicists is asked to contact the CERN lab in Geneva.
Italian Astronomers Detect Signs of Water on Planets of Distant Stars
Empty Evian bottles suggest water was once present.
 
Remains of 128-Million-
Year-Old Bucktoothed
Dinosaur Found in China

Theropod (right) was herbivore.
 
Snakehead Fish Eradicated
From Maryland Pond

Immediately added to Endangered Species List.
 
INTERNET
Inventor Marks 20th
Anniversary of :-)

Man who first used cute smiley face "emoticon" in an e-mail message is skinned alive by an angry mob.

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