Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 23 - 29, 2002
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POLITICS
Sen. Thurmond Backs Military Action
"Remember the Maine!" he shouts, then dozes off.
SPORTS
Baseball: At Least 7 New York Mets Suspected of Using Marijuana
Their teammates say they're "shocked" and "dismayed" that they didn't share any with them.
First "Bookies Night" a Success
Detroit promotion doubles Tigers' normal attendance for meaningless game with Devil Rays.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
New Auto Runs
On Nitrous Oxide

4-cylinder Honda Hilarious part of company's new line of "happy" cars.
Switzerland Will Finally Join UN
Miss Switzerland now eligible for Miss World contest.
Screeners at Los Angeles
Airport Miss 40% of
Weapons in Security Test

But spot 90% of celebrities.
EDUCATION
6 Massachusetts Students Sue
Over High School Exit Exam

Claim keeping them in high school violates
ban on cruel and unusual punishment.
New School Year Begins Amidst National Commitment to Excellence
No rich child left behind.
 
ART
Michelangelo's "David" Undergoes Penile Enlargement
Much-needed restoration aimed at boosting tourism revenue.
 
THIS WEEK IN HISTORY
  Sept. 17, 1789: After a prolonged struggle, our country's Founding Fathers sign the Constitution of the United States, assigning to Congress the sole power to declare war. The document is now primarily of historical interest.
 
STAMPS
Postal Service Unveils 37 Cesar Chavez Stamp
But acknowledges most farm workers can't afford it.

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