Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 14 - 20, 2002
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HEALTH / MEDICINE
Stamp Issued Honoring Medical Experiments
Recognition long overdue, say researchers.
Individuals' Genetic Codes to be Available Soon on CD
God asks for "some form of copy-protection."
 
ART
15th Century Statue of Adam Falls, Shatters
Valuable work at New York's Metropolitan Museum toppled by apple thrown by crazy naked woman.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Survey: Jewish Population Declining
And yet, bagel sales are up.
Man Breaks Record for Time Spent on Bed of Nails
Didn't mean to break record; was merely "stuck to the damn thing."
SPORTS
Baseball: Contraction Talks
Back on Table

Now Selig proposes eliminating Mets, Yankees.
Galaxy to Face Revolution in Major League Soccer Championship
Names of teams obtained through the Freedom of Information Act.
 
SPECIAL FEATURE
First civilian casualties of Iraq war will be due to:
  A)Faulty intelligence on the ground
  B)Out-of-date map of Baghdad
  C)Reports not confirmed, still investigating
(Answers real soon)
 
CHESS
Chess Champ Vladimir Kramnik Beats Computer
But only after spilling coffee on it.

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