Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – OCT 28 - NOV 3, 2002
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ELECTION
Texas County Using
Computer Voting System

Harris County voters can select a candidate, check their e-mail, or download pictures of incest and bestiality.
Voter News Service Improves
Exit Polling
New techniques, extra care "leave no chance for mistakes in next Wednesday's election," says spokesperson.
Americans for Job Security, Group That Buys Ads Backing Republicans, Won't Say Where Money Comes From
Experts guess drug companies, strip mining
operations, or Hell.
 
BUSINESS
Microsoft, Disney Form Partnership
Two companies will divide world's assets equally.
Consumer Spending Outlook Bleak
Those who need things can't afford them; those who can afford things already have them.
SCIENCE
IBM Builds Computer Circuit
With Carbon Molecule

Promises a future with intelligent air pollution.
Universe a Computer, Says
Latest Theory

Explains why people are such bad spellers.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Tea May Prevent Cancer,
Heart Disease

Almost as good for you as wine, beer.
Warning Issued on Botched Batch of Botox
The affected lot has been recalled.
Latest Study Says Positive
Outlook Doesn't Help

Pessimists are all smiles.
 
PEOPLE
Miss Cleo Settles Psychic
Hotline Suit

But warns that those who collect will be seriously injured or fall ill.
Bin Laden's Will Found
Leaves bulk
of estate to evildoers.

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