| PEOPLE |
 |
 World's
Oldest Woman Believed to
Be 125
Mali’s Hawa Sacko
(left) says her father
(right) has her birth
certificate “socked
away somewhere.” |
|
|
Brits With Important Roles in
Society To Be Vaccinated Against Smallpox
Gradually, less important will be
included, until all but the royal family
are inoculated. |
|
Britney Spears Turns 21
Now old enough to dress provocatively. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Sci Fi Channel, Spielberg,
Present
Epic on Alien Abductions
Evidence overwhelming that somebody,
somewhere wants to make a lot of money. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Bill Gates in Bangalore,
India
To talk with his tech support people. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Drought
Worsens in Southeast
Even the lush links at
Augusta National (right)
have begun to show its
effects. |
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 |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Researchers Think Viagra May
Be Linked to Aggression,
Sexual Violence
Recommend taking it with strong sedative,
saltpeter. |
|
Adulterous Sex More Likely
To Lead to Heart Attack
Than Sex With Spouse
Study's authors suggest one or two aspirin beforehand. |
| |
POLLS
Reasons for
Hating America
Undergo Subtle Shift
"Lust for World
Conquest" gains,
"Movies/TV"
less important. |
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| |
| SCIENCE |
|
Japanese Researchers
Calculate
Pi to 1.24 Trillion Places
But they still can’t get laid. |
|
2600-Year-Old
Glyphs Could Be Earliest
Writing in New World
Found in Mexico, they
depict a bird hurling its
lunch. |
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