Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 23 - 29, 2002
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MISCELLANEOUS
Economy Doing Great, Says Greenspan
But admits that he, personally, uses a barter system.
 
ENVIRONMENT
2002 2nd Hottest Year Since 1860
But hottest year ever for DVD sales.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Winter Meetings Produce Numerous Trades
Teams swap overpriced underachievers for expensive dead wood.
NBA: Officials Heavily Criticized for Increased Number of Bad Calls
Some blame new system of paying refs by the foul, rather than bi-weekly.
 
ODDS 'N ENDS
Hefner Files Missing Blondes Report
Three of his seven girlfriends unaccounted for.
(Last week we gathered together a distinguished panel of psychics and asked them for their predictions for 2003.)
Kandu (India): "President George Bush will accidentally get a Mohawk haircut."
Madame Blavinsky (Switzerland): "Saddam Hussein will change his name to Sam Hirschman."
Cassandra (Canada): "Extraterrestrials will land in New York City, go to the United Nations, the Statue of Liberty, Rockefeller Center, and then leave."
The Oracle (Delphi): "The stock market will go up and down and up and down and up and down and then, that's it, I'll be getting out of the market, my nerves can't take it."
Deep Fritz (computer): "A robot will win the Pillsbury Bake-Off."

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