Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 20 - 26, 2003
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SCIENCE
Latest Picture From Hubble Telescope Reveals Universe Just After "Big Bang"
Or the lens is dirty.
Bananas May Face Extinction
In 10 Years

Second bananas also threatened.
 
HIGH TECH
New Telephone Fits on Ear and Has No Cords or Wires
As if anyone's going to call you.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Clamps, Sponges, Other Tools Left Inside 1500 Patients Every Year
Hospitals want patients to pay for them.
Study: Sperm Count for New York Men
Double That for Los Angeles Men

But slightly lower than New York women.
 
CORRECTION
In an article on friendly fire casualties in Afghanistan, we referred to "speed," or "uppers," street parlance for powerful amphetamines, an illegal drug which can cause erratic, dangerous behavior and lead to jail time for users. In fact, when the Air Force gives amphetamines to their pilots, the drugs are called "go pills," a vital tool in the defense of freedom. We apologize for the confusion.
SPECIAL FEATURE
Our Three Governments: Essential Facts
TYPE   LEADER   LOCATION   PHILOSOPHY   TENURE
  Actual   G.W. Bush   Washington, D.C.   Conservative   elected thru 2004
  Fantasy   Martin Sheen   Hollywood, CA   Liberal   picked up thru 2006
  Shadow   Dick Cheney   Unknown   Unknown   who wants to know?

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