Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 3 - 9, 2003
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ART
"Dogs Playing Poker" Discovered Under Rembrandt Self-Portrait
Experts peel away Dutch artist's work to reveal underlying masterpiece.
SPORTS
City of Oakland Destroyed
By Angry Fans

And this was before the Super Bowl.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Pentagon Reveals Highly Secret Spider-Bot Program
Tiny computer-controlled robotic spider can infiltrate enemy positions and scare the hell out of them.
 
ANSWER TO LAST WEEK'S PUZZLER
  D)  Because if we DID find them, it would only prove that he WASN'T hiding them, but NOT finding them proves that he IS hiding them.
Here are some of the first laws the White House hopes to move through a compassionately conservative Congress:
1. THE FREEDOM TO WORSHIP ACT
Requires states to provide the names of
all those not regularly attending church.
2. THE PURPLE MOUNTAINS' MAJESTY ACT
Provides tax credits for strip mining, clear-cutting, mountain top removal.
3. TODDLER PROTECTION AND CHILD SAFETY ACT
Authorizes first use of tactical nuclear weapons if an officer in the field wants to see how they work.
4. HOME, FLAG AND APPLE PIE ACT
Removes all civil liberties not specifically removed by the Patriot Act.

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