Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 3 - 9, 2003
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HIGH TECH
Mars Rovers Go On Sale to Public
Aimed at bored Segway owners.
 
PEOPLE
Forbes: Gates Still Tops World's Billionaires List
Will once again receive $10,000 prize.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Uncertain Start of War Keeping Network Programmers Busy
Most prepared to run old war movies if there's a delay.
Unions For Film, TV Actors
Propose Merger

Combined, their membership would amount to nearly 200,000 waiters.
 
SPORTS
Yanks' Wells Admits Pitching 1998 Perfect Game While "Half-Drunk"
He's now in talks with Jack Daniels.
WHAT THEY WERE THINKING
 
Donald Rumsfeld, Saddam Hussein,
Baghdad, December 20, 1983.
Donald Rumsfeld (left): "I was thinking how fortunate we were to have such a loyal friend, and trying not to forget to tell him that the promised shipment of nerve gas was on its way."
Saddam Hussein (right): "I was glad to see him, and was really looking forward to using my new American-made nerve gas on those despicable Kurds."
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Replacement Faces Make Their Debut
So far they're only available in "Mildly Happy" or "Somewhat Depressed" (shown).

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