Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 10 - 16, 2003
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PETS
Luxurious Dog And Cat Hotel Opens in Las Vegas
Built on former site of homeless shelter.
 
INTERNET
Scientists: Internet Speed
Record Smashed

Time elapsed between sign-on and "Your Connection Has Been Lost": 000317 seconds.
 
SPORTS
NFL: Jets Propose Stadium in Midtown Manhattan With No Parking Facilities
Fans would live there year round.
International Drug Code
Adopted for Olympic Sports

Drugs will be divided into three categories: “Faster,” “Higher,” and “Stronger.”
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Nevada Lawmakers Consider Taxing Prostitutes
Would then vote themselves raises, spend raises on prostitutes.
 
 Spring Training
Report

by Fred "Beanball" Smith
Florida, March, 2003 – The Phils' latest phenom throws aspirin, drinks heavily, and drives 100 mph . . . Unusually quiet at the Senators' camp . . . They should let Pete Rose bet on baseball . . . I like the new rule that prohibits fans from eating during the game . . . When did Sal Maglie retire? . . . The bunt down the third base line that goes foul at the last second is the most exciting play in sports . . . Saddam Hussein's son Uday rejected an offer from the White Sox . . . There are a number of "good guys" in baseball, but they're all on drugs . . . I'm heading over to where the Browns train . . .
(You can e-mail Fred "Beanball" Smith at Beanball@oldplayershome/mental.net.)
 

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