Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAR 31 - APR 6, 2003
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PEOPLE
Annual Streaker Awards Given Out
Roy Pascual (pictured) accepts for Best New Face.
POLITICS
War Creating Rift Among Conservatives
Neocons, paleocons, religious fundamentalists, reactionaries, monarchists, America-firsters, tax rebels, neofascists find themselves at odds.
 
BUSINESS
Halliburton, Bechtel, Fluor to Combine Assets
New company's name will be "The Three Profiteers."
Worker Productivity Sets
Record in '02

Those not laid off are working their butts off.
Administration Confident Nation
Will Avoid Second Recession

By declaring that first one never ended.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Counterfeit-Proof Currency Unveiled
Treasury Secretary Snow shows off new bill, which is “just plain too big” to be copied.
SCIENCE
Breakthrough: New Battery
Runs on Shots of Vodka

An electric swizzle stick could theoretically operate forever.
Computer Model of Neanderthal
Hand Shows Equal Dexterity with Modern Man

Pushes back advent of card tricks by two million years.
 
IRONIC TIMES POLL
Majority Think War is Going Well
Fifty-one percent describe coalition's progress as good.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Viagra Can Help Protect Against Heart Attacks
Caused by Viagra.
Study Finds More Spending on
Medicare Patients Doesn't
Improve Outcomes

No spending at all may be most effective.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
Pentagon Revises Estimate of
Iraq War Casualties

Changed from "just a handful" to "in the hundreds of thousands."

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