Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 23 - 29, 2003
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SPORTS
Rocky Balboa Loses to Apollo Creed
Fight stopped after sixth round.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Spike Lee Sues to Stop TNN from
Changing Its Name to "Spike TV"

Spike Milligan sues Spike Lee; Spike Jones sues Spike Milligan.
Study: Music Preferences
Linked to Personality

Conclusion: most people are gangsters.
 
MEDIA
Rumor: Al Gore May Create
New Cable Network

“Sigh TV” target audience will be ineffectual centrists with an interest in ecology, says source.
Mad Libs News Channel Debuts
Morose terrorists hopscotch smugly to Philadelphia inside a chartreuse birdbath.
 
BUSINESS
Forehead Advertising Debuts in England
Advertiser must get permission first.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Scientist Extremely Elated to Discover Flawed Gene Related to Bipolar Disorder
But deeply depressed that it may be years before a treatment can be developed.
AMA Seeks Stronger Tobacco Warning
Suggests, "Smoking Will Kill You, You Dumb, Fucking Sonuvabitch."
 
RELIGION
Gays Who Accept Jesus Christ as Their Savior Can Become Straight, Say Southern Baptists
Southern Baptists who accept Judy Garland as their savior can become gay, say homosexuals.
 
CORRECTION
A recent editorial, which read, “Tony Blair is a pathological liar who has consistently and deliberately distorted the truth, plagiarized from others and misled the public,” was mistaken. It should have read, “Jayson Blair is a pathological liar, (etc.)....” Also, in the same issue, an article which read, “Jayson Blair is a lying, deceitful prevaricator without scruple or conscience," should have read, “Tony Blair is a lying, deceitful prevaricator, (etc.)...” We apologize for the confusion.

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