Ironic Times

page one
PAGE THREE – OCT. 27 - NOV. 2, 2003
page two

RELIGION
Faithful Flock to Tree Stump Resembling Virgin Mary in Passaic, New Jersey
One of only 343 tree stumps in Passaic that look like her.
 
FACTOID
One in Seven Americans Has at
Least One Tattoo

That they remember getting.
 
TRAVEL
Brits Announce Last Flight of
Supersonic Concorde

Couldn't compete with slower planes that sold more liquor.
 
SPORTS
Top Athletes Subpoenaed in Expanding Steroid Probe
Feds to interview man who pole-vaulted sixty feet, woman who ran three-minute mile, and Barry Bonds.
Nudist World Series Won by Sarasota Streakers
Upset New York Nakeds, four games to two.
According to a senior White House aide, Democratic hopeful John, excuse me, Howard Dean, is a cross-dresser . . . A highly placed administration source informs me that Gen. Wesley Clark was responsible for thousands of deaths in Bosnia . . . Someone who works in the White House reports that Hillary Clinton’s dog-eared copy of the Communist Manifesto was found in an upstairs closet . . . The Democrats have changed the site of their convention next year to Havana, according to Karl Rove- I mean a high-ranking administration official. That’s all for now.

(Robert Novak is a syndicated columnist and spy for North Korea.)
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Dogs Decide to Organize
New twelve-member council (shown) will establish rules for all walks, naps, and when and where to pee.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2003 Ironic Times