Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 3 - 9, 2003
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PEOPLE
Britney in the News Again
Second cousin of friend's sister's former teacher's husband is witness to an auto accident.
P. Diddy Accused of Hiring
Sweatshop Labor

Honduran workers, paid just ninety cents an hour, are forced to listen to his latest album over and over.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Fewer Young Men Watching TV
Find watching others drink, fight, have sex
less fun than drinking, fighting, having sex.
California Wildfires Destroy Part of Set For Leonardo DiCaprio's Latest Film
“This is getting serious,” says governor-elect.
 
MERCHANDISING
  Talking Gen. Boykin Doll Latest in Series of Right-Wing Action Figures
Pull string and he says “My God's bigger than yours.”
SCIENCE
Findings Confirm Universe Mostly Dark, Mysterious Energy
Just as Mr. Spock determined on sixteenth episode of "Star Trek."
Brazilian Study: Coffee
Speeds Up Sperm

U.S. Study: Doughnuts slow sperm down.
 
Huge Magnetic Storm on Sun Has Devastating Consequences on Earth
Many devices rendered useless for several minutes.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Impatient, Hostile Men
At Risk for High Blood Pressure
15 Years Later

Must wait, wait, wait a long fucking time to see if these medical assholes are right.
Coca-Cola to Launch Cholesterol-Reducing Orange Juice
Pepsi counters with free EKGs in specially marked bottle caps.
 
EDUCATION
Study Links TV Problems to Reading
Young children who read too much are likely to have difficulty watching TV later in life.

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